Feel A Way About It All…

This year has not been the finest, and I feel negative for having to type that but it’s been kinda stressful. I know things with the virus have created this divide against ourselves, every action is reflected off the consequences of not being safe.

Having the decision to participate in a headache of a candidate election, I don’t remember any of the past elections this annoying or people telling me to vote. Not fun if you really lost faith in the last election, there was no urgency to have my vote counted. How do you justify that inside when being a team player doesn’t ring your bell.

Maybe in a decade from now if time is willing, I would reflect on this time as a growing experience. Right now seems so chaotic that trying to break it down would only mean that the confusion was invading my mind. My thought process has to detour through this media driven freak show.

I am roaming In the center of everything and everyday I am given new pieces to the puzzle, or more to content to make sense of the riddle. The day to day is not always a smooth trip, especially now with covid all up in my business, I have to be strategic with my movements in the world.

I keep saying “When things get back to being normal,” phrasing this imaginary timeframe in my head where I can think straight and be free. It is a constant adjustment and the word ”normal“ is maybe being romanticized so that I can be trapped in a way of no longer.

Open The Gates….

The season is changing and I can already feel the cold chill of not reaching  expectations. I want all the smoke, as the kids say these days when it comes to these consequences that are attached to claiming goals.

There is always a mystery in life and maybe the point is to not always solve it, but actually buy into the reality the mystery created and take the lead. Being the example because instead of telling, showing is much more rewarding.

I have to accept all the challenges the role requires; after years of seeing the rotation of the time, I have to trust the universe will give the opportunity to shine. It just might not be when you expect it, how resilient are you?

Negativity lingers when you opens things never opened, however with the right mindset, anything to come out of the interaction will be inspiration to continue to move forward.

Oh Where, Oh Where Is Ellie Bear…

It was an intriguing time when baby Ellie came into the world and light, it was past the due date for sure. I wasn’t able to be there the moment she was here, I remember feeling out of place, not in a bad way, but in an exciting way. I wanted to be right where I needed to be, not always able to tell. It was new life, so new I didn’t how respond.

I know I’m the Uncle, yet this was a new member of the family, and I have no clue what she’s into. My Brother and Tiffany were still at the hospital a few days after she arrived, I was making the drive to Tucson to see the new baby.

I arrive to Tucson and realize I am empty handed.  I am the uncle, I need to have something, a gift. I make a detour.

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There is a store around the corner from the hospital, and of all times there is a fire nearby. It feels like I am chasing the smoke going directly to the flames. Drama is boiling. I know I can find a toy of some sort, my niece deserves a toy, a monkey, something.

I find the store, the baby section, and there stands a happy teddy bear. I hope she likes it. I grab a diaper bag too, now I’m ready to meet my niece.

Maybe I was just nervous, or was just getting bad directions, I felt like I was getting the runaround at the hospital. I talked to three different hospital staff, still no Ellie.

Anticipation filled the new baby bag with the teddy bear, I find my Brother and Tiffany. Ellie is sleeping…

I am still learning about my niece Ellie, she too is constantly learning, growing. We have time to learn about each other, she reminds me that I have much more to offer. She teaches me much more than I show her for sure.  

Catching A Buzz.

I have been feeling more energized these past couple of days. Maybe it’s the year passing and I just want to salvage something from this stressful moment. I think it’s the connections we have around us that motivation when things get rough, keep those flames lit.

I was dropping off my grandma’s medication at her house during the middle of the week, the previous day she slept the whole day, just tired. When she finally woke up the next day, she assumed that it was late afternoon/evening time. She wanted soup and a sandwich, not cereal and coffee.

She confirmed the time and date on the TV menu and sat dumfounded by the turnaround.

When I got to her house, she told me about this confusion, even a little foolish talking about how long she slept unaware of the hours passing. I told her that I still scare myself.

On a Saturday morning I could hear a knock on my door and suddenly be running late for work and have things to do. For a split second, I am a panicking man child jumping out of bed. Only to realize that it’s Saturday morning and the weekend is here.

She laughs, maybe a relief that even her grandson gets confused by how time acts up.

A Funky Night…

There was a time when I was better, when I could motivate those around me and create something. Now, things have become mundane due to the virus which adds to the excuses of what can be done. I am at the tip of the tongue and at a lost for words to deliver to correct message to this one particular audience.

Shit happens, it’s inevitable.

There are voices coming from all places, not always positive or even constructive. Just opinions that don’t matter in the bigger picture.

We need goals and we need people around us to have goals too. Is that putting too much pressure on those I decide to keep around. Who keeps me around, what value do I bring to others?

You know a lot of Van Gogh’s paintings didn’t get as much recognition as they do now. In the moment certain things aren’t always in place, there is room for uncertainty and a lot of times we care about what others think and often times need approval before any action.

Greatness requires the right type of focus depending on what needs to be accomplished. Get lost in doing the painting, not in getting worried about how it looks through the artistic scope of everyone but you….

Truman Series

It makes sense that Jerry Springer is a judge, if Donald Trump is President of the United States. Just a random thought, a time traveler from the past, 90’s era, comes to the present day 2020 and finds out that Jerry Springer isn’t some raunchy talk show host. Springer has matured, now he is giving legal advise; the stranger gives him the benefit of the doubt and remembers that Jerry had an actual intellectual dialogue at the end of each episode and he gave an heartfelt reflection on the complications that come with humans relationships. The segment was called Final Thoughts and even though majority of the show was dysfunction, this last impression of the chaos was brought to order.

The time traveler then asks who’s president, if things worked out for Jerry, I can only imagine that someone like Will Smith is President. A teenager from the present approaches the time traveler and says you mean Trump?

Donald, Donald Trump is the guy in charge. The billionaire tv character, the not so caring, disconnected business diva is in the White House. He knows what it means to be “not president.” When did politics become so converged with television, reality almost feels scripted and the world is a unpredictable world. 

The time traveler leaves 2020, back home.

 

100 Word Story 3

They called it the macabre room, dave and rick had been trapped in a brick storage out in the middle of nowhere, it had been over a month since the world was taken over by zombies. The two hikers were camping out in the woods and were able to hide from the creatures. Cannibals, what was the world going to be when they got out, if?

The sound of limbs impacting the door periodically, they could come in, they could get out. The moment that door opens, death is near the grip of human life. The two can only try.

100 Word Story 2

Renewal of the spirit to all the lonely hearted thinking of cliches and greater expectations for finding Love. Understand that Love is very closely related your Mother. It will make mistakes, they will chase butterflies for hours not knowing what to do if they actually catch the delicate creature.

Love at a early stage in life was selfish with their presence and only came around when it benefited them. When I nearly cut ties with Love because it was not of any interest, a Shaman came to my window and asked for my help.

The Shaman said “love is brother.”

100 Word Story

In the dreams of the Prince, there was a magical carnival in the forest. Tyler was a innocent gopher seeking a thrill and had access to the trail that lead to the place. Tyler was able to dig a pathway to the road that led directly to the site. They advised the curious gopher boy not to mingle in the dreams of the Prince, especially when it comes to that machine. Yet it wasn’t just a machine, it was red rollercoaster and Tyler was determined to ride the machine at least one time. He did. Remember joy is a gift.

Quarantine Era: Reflection is Optional.

Today I drove to Tucson to get groceries for my family, this is not unusual for me, but because our country is facing a pandemic, traveling to the city became a restricted routine that feels surreal. I feel responsible wearing a mask out in public, so even though I look like a bank robber, it’s acceptable in the times we are in. Maybe I didn’t look so suspect because the hanker chief I used to cover half of my face was bright neon green.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’m hearing the phrase the new normal, to describe the way things will be when the pandemic settles down. I guess what matters most is that I am open to how this moment will matter in the future. I don’t want to be just going with the motions, yet it feels like that’s what we are doing.

How do you stay motivated in a unmotivating setting?

Reverse engineer the meaning of the language; the new normal is forming everyday and if these times resemble anything of what’s to come then I just need to continue to remain true to myself. Obstacles been coming this way.

There was something familiar about my trip to Tucson to get groceries, Drake released some new music. It’s feels like his music pinpoints moments in my life. Going on a road trip to California when Best I ever had came out, or starting my first job after college and having Tuscan Leather be the anthem for that time. I wonder how this particular collection of Drake’s music will be impacted by the virus.

Drake pays respect to the late Kobe Bryant, bringing up a time when they first crossed paths and how they can’t talk about the first time meeting. Both individuals having success and accolades, it’s a bittersweet situation because you have a memorable bond with this person, then suddenly their gone and you have all these markers in time that can’t be relived because it’s only you.

Talking about the times that could have been, if only other things maybe didn’t get in the way. Either way we have something to remember and be appreciative of.