Catching Up

Shall I count the hours or shall I count the weeks? I’m so close to the end and I can’t help but feel disconnected to myself from three years ago. I mean if I could time travel three years into the past and share a moment with the younger me. I know it sounds like the premise to an awesome science-fiction flick, but if I could talk to the three year younger me. What would I say to myself? Would I be angered, or impressed?

I’ve mentioned this in many of blog post so it seems, the struggles of adulthood is a popular theme and one that just comes up regardless. It’s just what I’m going through constantly in life. The hardships of growing up; I just want to keep true to the real me. The me that I can’t recognize because he is older and looks responsible. Even though I am aware of the concept of being an adult, that doesn’t mean that my childhood experiences have nothing to do with this new aspect of my life just beginning. Still a kid a heart, but my old soul wants me to act my age. Whatever that means?

I think the big difference between childhood and adulthood is that as a child you have this ability to imagine the world being this place where dreams and goals are born. Now, adulthood can be similar to this ability to create something out of nothing, although in adulthood the dream or goal considered can come to life or take a tangible shape. I believe this is why I have so many issues revolving around this idea of growing up. I want the future to be a place where the younger me is proud and secure.

I have accepted the responsibilities of my adult life, but it is very odd for me because I want to create something original the younger me wanted. And it becomes confusing because I know I’ve changed over the semesters. I’ve learned new things. Influence sneaks up on you. I question what adulthood brings because I want the new space to be a good place for me to be.

I know it sounds like I’m over exaggerating, and it is a reflective thing that needs to be taken care of or dealt with. I know I’m near the end of this tunnel and when I finally reach the end I’ll just want to still feel connected to the younger me. I’m not making sense, but I think it has to do with the reevaluation of the goals and dreams that were on the table from the beginning. I guess the younger me, and the older me need to have some kind of mutual understanding.

It just seems that when things are hectic or even hazy, the future is distorted and it might have to do with my internal self not on the same track as my present self. And because of this dilemma I believe in these moments of confusion; an individual should be able to tweak or rethink his goals and dreams. Rearranging things in a different order or simplifying what you’re trying to say and finding a new way to say it. Sometimes language just has to be adjusted to give a clearer meaning or significance. All I’m saying is that from time to time when things are overbearing or overwhelming it wouldn’t hurt to adjust or fix the way you perceive your life goals or dreams and make them even richer or more tangible. When things get hard and you find yourself almost feeling stuck. I mean you work hard to accomplish something important and when things get unclear it may help to step back. Go back to the drawing boards. Take it back to the beginning and see how time has evolved things in your life. Reconsidering the original drafts of a vision and making additions or taking things out. Just reconsider the idea and see what else it could be.

I personally think its ok to go back to the drawing board and re-invent the dream. Tweak it to make the present clearer, maybe things aren’t what they seem and a goal was really a job. I’m speaking on my own expectations of life and where I want to be in this world. And to have that ability to re-adjust and re-think a goal or dream is a good trait to have when working with time.

Time is so unpredictable. As much as I can prepare for the future and plan for the future, there is so much of the future that I have no control over. So you should be able to reinvent the dream from time to time, and adjust your stance in life and to help keep your composure in your day-to-day living. Expecting the unexpected in an odd way.

The food idiom of the post is, “cut the mustard.” It means to succeed and meet expectations. It’s not one I use everyday. But how I can relate it to how things are in my life at the moment. At this particular moment it is the fourth quarter and the points I need to make are my assignments that still need to be turned in. I need to prove to myself that I can cut the mustard. As much as I know I can cut it. I am going to actually show or do. Proof, they want proof always.

This goes back to having the ability to reinvent the dream. I know once this semester is over I’m going to have more time to think about my goals and dreams. I think it’s important in life to reach your dream or goals. At least attempt to cut the mustard.

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

                                                       –Albert Einstein


Author: storiesfrommystomach

I am from a Village called South Komelik on the Tohono O'odham Nation. I enjoy poetry and philosophy. Hope you enjoy the blog! :)

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