Cream Of The Crop Before I Stop

I got this interview coming up later on this week; staying positive and calm about whatever comes. So this Monday afternoon, my brother is actually home and awake. He usually works weird morning hours and sleeps during the day when he gets home. But he throws out the best suggestion.

“Let’s grill some burgers.”

Like music to ears. The art of grilling. I have not mastered using the grill yet, and it is a nice change of pace to step out of the kitchen. Be outside. So it is just another opportunity to grill it up.  Usually we’ll grill for large get-togethers with family and friends. But rarely do we use the grill to make dinner. Roasted with joy.

I start to build the fire.

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I want great things in this life; preparing for any obstacles that come into my path of life. The popular saying, “rise to the occasion,” comes to mind when trying to describe the thoughts cooking in my head. Although I think it’s more than rising to the occasion, I believe it also is recognizing the occasion, and the occasion or moment is always occurring. All day, every day.

It’s visualizing something truly worth perusing, working toward that dream. But do understand that the dream begins when you start to think about it. It becomes real when you start seeing what it could actually feel like. Again it’s going after these things that we sincerely want in life. What is the purpose they bring?

I mention in the blog how the future can sometimes distract you from the present, or how so much of the future can be determined by yourself in the now. I guess what I’m saying is that so much of the future is indefinite, and by your actions today, could have a incredible impact on how the future unfolds. It’s unpredictable with what the world will bring, but if I’m putting forth my best efforts then I’m prepared in the best way.

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You know as much as I enjoy cooking for my family and creating a meal for the people at the table. l know there are other techniques and methods that we all can still use to spice up the taste. Nothing wrong with that.

It’s easy to always do things a certain way. But what’s also important is that you’re able to recognize what others around you bring to the table as well.

If I want the best things in life, then I must be willing to put in my best efforts also.

I let my brother take over on the grill. He did work at a burger joint for a short time in his life. He approaches things different but I do know he wants these burgers to be great.

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Courious Georgia

Enjoying the bowl of cherries.

I sit relaxed, deeply wonder about time and it’s limiting measurements

I definitely have many things on my mind, but it’s just I’m so optimistic about the future.  Even though I am unsure of what’s to come. I still look forward to making it happen.  One thing I been thinking about is the interview I had a few weeks ago. I thought it went well. Little nervousness came but I got through it.  I guess being flooded with all these possibilities about what may come does give your mind a slot machine.

Very open to the now is what I’m working on now. I may sound like I’m speaking in contradictions. I hope you understand me better in the future. Making better sense.

I had brought up this concept of living in an earlier post, Epictetus the Roman Philosopher said you must approach life as if you were at a banquet.  I’m still understanding that way of thinking, but when I first wrote about it in the blog, it was like I didn’t quite explain it. So I will take another stab at trying to explain it in my own words, try not to butcher it so bad. For example when you attend a banquet and you are at the table with all these desired dishes.  Your place or where your seat is located may be not so near to certain dishes. And even if these dishes aren’t close by, I must be patient because they will eventually come around the table. The things that I want will circulate and eventually come near to me. But I do need  to attend the banquet and I can’t forget to bring my patience.

You know babysitting for my niece; I catch myself explaining things to her that I’m still having a hard time grasping myself.

Patience for instance.

How do you clearly explain patience to a three year old? How do you explain patience to an adult in their mid twenties?

I patiently wait to someday understand what it means to be patient.

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It’s funny because when I babysit Elexis, it’s just us here and she’s the only one I can actually talk to. So around 9:00am I get a call from HR. They said I had another interview for a different position. Excited for the opportunity, I had to tell someone. Egirl was that person. She had no idea what I was talking about but got excited when I told her I could buy her a present if I started working. Kids. Although I am walking into this next interview with confidence and with an open mind for what the experience will bring.

My niece Elexis has always been a normal character for the blog and I enjoy writing about her. She is my Curious George and she is teaching me how to be uncle. All I need is that yellow hat. We teach each other patience, that’s for sure. Her famous catch phrase I will end on, “but why?”

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Icing Made Of Ice Cream

 Just the best times in these moments of reflection because I know great things are around the bend. And I’m bringing my A game to this game of life.

I have been up to many things, staying busy in the kitchen. Cooking up memories in my noodle, childhood dreams and schemes, come to find out nothings as it seems. Growing is showing. Taking time to know; that you know little to none. How fun was it? Did you learn all you needed to know? So funny because once you say it ends; that is when it begins…

When our family moved to Tucson during the time when my mom was finishing school and my brother and I were still in elementary, we got really attached to our Aunt Heidi. Heidi was going to the University of Arizona and she was renting a guest house near downtown. We would love to go to her house and visit, she had the best place. It looked like a cottage but it was a pretty small studio. Well it was little slice of heaven to us.

I remember the black futon by the door, the half wall dividing the room filled with long green plants still growing. Pictures of good friends in classy frames. The tiny t.v. she never used except for when we came over to watch movies.

As kids we really had the best times with our Aunts, but Heidi was just young and crazy like us. Of course she was older but it is nice having an older relative in your life you can relate to and not feel like you are in the presence of this authority figure.

Thinking about this time when we were still in grade school and just being young, music is just a crucial element of life. Don’t get me wrong music is important for all stages of life. But something about just hearing it and feeling it, somehow it’s releasing this expression of your tormented soul. Music and being young, think they go hand in hand.

The way we get music has definitely changed over the years. Everything is so downloadable, and with the press of a button you can hear new music, or old music. The internet wasn’t as powerful back then when we would visit our Aunty Heidi. We didn’t have Pandora, but we had something close, if not better.

Heidi had this big wooden chest at the corner of her room. It looked like a pirates dream. There had to be gold inside. It was just like Pandora’s box, because once I got the box open, my life would never be the same. Pun optional.

You know it was Heidi’s free spirit that we cherished the most, but her music collection was definitely a big plus. Inside this magical chest was just, what looked like thousands, a box filled with albums. She had all this music and she wasn’t shy about giving it away to us.

In fact, before we started hanging out with Heidi, I was still using a tape deck to hear my music. Heidi actually gave us her own radio/cd player for us to hear the albums from the music box. Borrowed a lot hip-hop and r&b albums.

Music can be so therapeutic and seeing how much music Heidi had hidden in this treasure chest made me feel secure. Looking back on those times, no matter how weird or eccentric Heidi was, she still had gold for us.

I’ll never forget the time when we wanted to bake a cake for our mom on her birthday. Although Heidi suggested we make an ice cream cake. It was a groundbreaking idea for me. As kids you need to see things done right before your eyes. Only way I could believe this part-cake part-ice cream treat was possible was only if we actually made it. And we put a fork in it.

Not Afraid To Bite Your Own Tongue

I’m re-reading a lot of the earlier posts from last year and it’s very amusing to see because when I was in school, I was so focused on finishing. This is what I was worrying about at the time and looking back I’m noticing how even though you work towards something, you can still be anxious about what is yet to come. For instance once I finished school and I’m no longer worried the same way, but now that I’m looking for employment, my worries seem to be focused around the reality of getting g a job. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say that even when I get a job, my worry will go to something else. It’s not a bad thing I just think the human mind needs a challenge and having goals in sight can be like the motivation to follow through on these plans.

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I think my overall drive to finish school was due to taking three years off. Don’t get me wrong I learned so much in my experiences away from school, although when I got back into college, it was like I had to catch up to my old self. I had this feeling like I was behind and I needed to speed up my own progress. Sometimes it seems like things are moving so slow and it just makes me want to rush.

I guess there are these times of exhaustion and impatience, and you just want to be done. It’s important to have goals and ideas for the future but so much of that has to do with the present. Are you fully engaged to the moment right in front of you? Do you appreciate what’s occurring all around you?

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This reminds me of this conversation I had with a close friend of mine about living life poetically. Not having everything drawn out or written down, but also not being clueless or out of place in the now.  It’s really a balance of both. Being open to what the world has to offer you; and feeling comfortable what you may have to offer to the world as well. You can hinder the present by not being alert or focused about what really matters.

“Walking on eggshells,” is the post food expression. I guess the eggshells can represent or be a metaphor for other individuals’ thoughts and expectations. The judgments and assumptions from anyone besides yourself is really nothing that should stop you, if it’s really something you want to accomplish. Again having your own goals and dreams about the future helps justify anything that needs to be done in the now.

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Often times the feeling of walking on eggshells can be due to what you have to offer a scenario. My advice would be to either walk around the eggshell or through them. Tip-toeing or even worse not moving at all because you are worried about what will happen is not the best way to grow.

The worries can motivate you to do something great. The worries can be temporary.  The worries of doing nothing at all will haunt me forever.