Baby I Got You

I sweet talk myself because I know it all depends on me. In the grand scheme of things I’m just trying get a point across and get some bread, make sure my family is good.

In a moment of panic trapped under an avalanche of worries.
There are those thoughts that divide you from the living and the passed. The day I can never get passed. It was a painful experience.

If I were trapped under an avalanche of snow and had the time to just be in the state of being trapped. There would be a few things that ran through my mind. Thoughts about the car accident I was in about six years would be something to ponder. I survived this brutal car wreck and I am very grateful to be living in this moment. And it is apart of me but this event was always a reminder to be tough. I guess it’s more to be tough mentally than physically. I mean they are two separate challenges. I am lucky to live to tell this tale but it is something tragic I must tell to myself only to remind myself.

Another thought that would come up for contemplation while being in a cave made of snow. My Great Grandmother who was this saint of a person and just endured a much different time than mine and yet she was the sweetest soul. I guess I don’t have any recollections of her being angry or upset. As she got older I was always grateful that I knew her. Those moment that only we could reminisce about, she just had a way of making you feel loved for who you were. She always is someone inspiring and wise to have in my thoughts. I would think about her and remind myself that I’ve come a long way; this connection to my Great Grandmother was strength. I know deep within I have her strong spirit and everything will be fine. I remind myself that I have strong people watching over me.

I am from strong people and to be in a place of acceptance of what’s done or complete, there is always the afterthought of things that maybe weren’t done. Things that got left incomplete can be something that can come in my cold seclusion. The life that I was chasing or fixing. The dreams that had only blueprints. I might wonder about how things are going to change once I’m saved.

This reminds me of the episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air when they get stuck in a cave during a snow storm. Luckily they find a duffle bag of money they can burn to keep warm before they are rescued. I guess in a situation of not knowing you can really see what riches matter. Money or gold is worthless if I’m frozen but without a penny to my name and no gold chain around my neck, I can still be the riches man alive due to surviving a vicious snow storm. Life can be complicated if you overthink it.

Hope thaws the snow

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Left-Overs: Flour And Thought

I’m tryin’ to make a dollar out of fifteen cents

2 Pac

The days growing up I dreaded the left-overs. It’s night and day with my inner feelings regarding left-overs and yet at some point in my life left-overs became cool. I love the left-overs.

The meal that was prepared from previous food particles. It sounds so barbaric like I’m dinning on scraps from two nights ago. It’s really nothing barbaric. And growing up I can look back and see how those meals stretched out the food for the family. It made it last longer because we could truly enjoy it multiple times before it went bad.

I look back and see how those food values sustained us growing up and maybe now in the present the economic situation for myself is reasonably good, but I recognize food used wastefully in the culture. Nothing goes to waste isn’t the case we are focused on. There is so much food that we can choose not to worry about it’s well-being or state. Does food care that we don’t care?

I feel like I’m only the left-overs and maybe you want something straight from the stove. Fresh goes bad oh well. My bad.

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Misunderstandings are what got us here in the first place. Interested in everything, all in all humble with what I possess. I wish for knowledge of the process. I’m just trying to process everything, all in all, working to be better for the challenges scheming. All in all still dreaming of what could be. Trying to stay focused with this scenario that which requires me.

Sweet Tidings

There was a coffee shop up the street that sold these amazing cranberry muffins. I had the opportunity to try these muffins last week and it made my day so I thought I’d get me one before I started my journey.

There is a back booth in the coffee shop that I wanted to sit at but I seen man in a cap reading a newspaper already occupying the seat. I order my coffee and muffin and looked around for another place to sit. Then suddenly a feeling of deja vu approached the building. The man in the back booth stands up and walks toward me. In a very stern voice he says:

Do join me back here, there are a few things we must discuss.

I recognized his face but it was almost as if I didn’t want to fully embrace his identity. Although I was intrigued to know about what he wanted to discuss. Second guessing was not an option. I went to the back and sat down with this mysterious man.

He wore dark shades and had a scarf wrapped around his neck nearly covering up his face. The fitted baseball cap tightly worn gave no structure to his face. He was trying to be anonymous drinking his cup of coffee but I knew he was trying to convey something purposeful in his voice. I sit down:

Before you speak or say anything please know I mean no harm and only want guidance and wisdom.

Wisdom, what are you talking about?

I’m you.
(Man takes off shades and hat)
Well I’m you ten years ago. I know this is strange and I know you have questions about why I’m here, but I only have a short time here with you in this moment. This is not a scam or trick but a wellness retreat where I am able to contact my future self and request knowledge that will enrich my future in my present, your past. If that makes any sense, if any of this makes sense please answer me these three questions. We can’t get off topic of what I came to discuss with you. This time travel is serious business and if I know too much about anything else besides your present mind it will taint the realties of everyone in the universe.

So you can’t bet or make any money from gambling on professional sports games?

No, I am only here to hear from myself, myself only meaning you. It’s very dangerous to be messing with the laws of time but it’s pretty save if we only discuss the topics.

What are the topics?

The first is what was the most challenging thing that I will have to look forward to in my time before I am you? Go.

It’s a funny question because the challenging thing for me is learning to be satisfied with you. We constantly want to grow and be better and are quick to be critical of what people may think of us or even think that the things we keep close validate this sense of safety. Although I can only be truly happy or sure of what’s happening, when I am trying to figure out myself. The challenge is knowing that the learning never stops. The teacher can be the student at any time so by being able to focus on assisting or helping the self understand yourself better, your constantly having those challenges there. I had to get better at that everyday. I want great things around me, yes, but I myself must be great too. Greatness does offer a challenge.

What about the most rewarding thing?

Easily education for me. I think of the Shakespeare play The Tempest, Prospero who is this dad that has been kicked out of the civilized world in which he has access to this wonderful library. His books are his love. Living on the Island he only can dream of those pages of knowledge. He schemes his way back into the courtship (depending on what version) but I think the books represent Prospero’s love for learning. And for me, education and having my own set of books really opened up the opportunities in my life (still do.) The world is a living library and putting effort and even enjoying to learn new things can make the biggest difference in life. I am not regretful about the time I invested in my education and I can always reflect and continue to grow because of it. Next question.

The most fun?

The most fun. Besides this moment I am in now. I guess maybe this feeling will change as I get older but you know, there is a time for having fun and there’s a time not to have fun. In the times where I can have fun, I’m usually around fun people. I think even this moment that is occurring now is definitely a certain type of fun. I mean, it will be fun thinking about it later ten years from now.

Epic Scrabble games and road trips to Vegas. I try to keep it fun all the time. Playing basketball with your cousins in the village. Taking your niece to town. Meaningful conversations with the people you keep close, almost learning more about them in the talks. There is so many levels to fun and you should try to engage in all that you can. It’s a balance.

Thank you, I must go now.

The time traveler leaves the table and walks out the coffee shop. The waiter instantly walks to the booth and swings a baseball bat at the back of my head. I wake up from a nightmare and I’m in my bed. Was that even real?

I Think I Need A Cup Of Tea

The year has come close to the end but the timeline of the calendar can daunt the actual real joyful aspects of the moment. I think the brain can become so cluttered with thought, so focused on things yet to come, I just need to clear the static of the dates. Remembering only greatness was scheduled for this time.

Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks, Christmas right around the corner. It’s all exciting but very stressful to find an accurate way of handling it all. No right or wrong answers correct. So why am I unable to just chill?

Maybe being levelheaded in the matter is not my cup of tea. This year is just over and it’s in the past. I guess it’s got me feeling sentimental about how fast time goes and how the year can slip through your fingertips if you don’t have a strong enough grip. What having a strong grip means is totally up in the air. Can you look back at the year and be satisfied with how things worked out? How does this year prepare you for the next?

Damn resolutions!

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Art Thieves Out

Trying to get things right but what if the right thing still needs to rest or brew just a bit longer. Who rushes art? Regardless of the time it takes to unveil the work, the painting will be perceived by the viewer as something tangible. Not every thing connects as well. Although if you are able to reach someone by having them reflect on their own opinions, even question their own initial response is the icing on the cake.

The ideas may not be always clear in the noodle, yet with the creative energy your able to use that motivation for the creation of a masterpiece.

Steal a great a idea and make it ten times better. Challenge accepted.