I sweet talk myself because I know it all depends on me. In the grand scheme of things I’m just trying get a point across and get some bread, make sure my family is good.
In a moment of panic trapped under an avalanche of worries.
There are those thoughts that divide you from the living and the passed. The day I can never get passed. It was a painful experience.
If I were trapped under an avalanche of snow and had the time to just be in the state of being trapped. There would be a few things that ran through my mind. Thoughts about the car accident I was in about six years would be something to ponder. I survived this brutal car wreck and I am very grateful to be living in this moment. And it is apart of me but this event was always a reminder to be tough. I guess it’s more to be tough mentally than physically. I mean they are two separate challenges. I am lucky to live to tell this tale but it is something tragic I must tell to myself only to remind myself.
Another thought that would come up for contemplation while being in a cave made of snow. My Great Grandmother who was this saint of a person and just endured a much different time than mine and yet she was the sweetest soul. I guess I don’t have any recollections of her being angry or upset. As she got older I was always grateful that I knew her. Those moment that only we could reminisce about, she just had a way of making you feel loved for who you were. She always is someone inspiring and wise to have in my thoughts. I would think about her and remind myself that I’ve come a long way; this connection to my Great Grandmother was strength. I know deep within I have her strong spirit and everything will be fine. I remind myself that I have strong people watching over me.
I am from strong people and to be in a place of acceptance of what’s done or complete, there is always the afterthought of things that maybe weren’t done. Things that got left incomplete can be something that can come in my cold seclusion. The life that I was chasing or fixing. The dreams that had only blueprints. I might wonder about how things are going to change once I’m saved.
This reminds me of the episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air when they get stuck in a cave during a snow storm. Luckily they find a duffle bag of money they can burn to keep warm before they are rescued. I guess in a situation of not knowing you can really see what riches matter. Money or gold is worthless if I’m frozen but without a penny to my name and no gold chain around my neck, I can still be the riches man alive due to surviving a vicious snow storm. Life can be complicated if you overthink it.
Hope thaws the snow