(Felix and Clayton are sitting down getting lunch)
Felix: What did you order again?
Clayton: The club and onion rings, their club sandwich is amazing. You can’t go wrong with it.
Felix: I’m reconsidering the salad.
Clayton: You already made the order.
Felix: I know but maybe they haven’t started to make the salad. It wouldn’t be that rude, right?
Clayton: Major faux pas, my friend. You got the salad, just take the damn salad.
Felix: Ok, I’ll take the salad.
Clayton: I’m sorry, I don’t care about the salad, what I’m really concerned about is this lady speed stick fetish. (chuckles)
Come on details. Let’s start from the beginning. I want the uncut version please.
Felix: Alright, alright. I borrowed some from my mom one time, and I liked it. So I buy it from time to time.
Clayton: You’re lying, come on tell the truth. This is sitting on the couch your safe therapy time Felix. Get it off your chest son.
Felix: Ok, I was dating this girl and when we split, she had left a lady speed stick at the pad. I was running low, you know how that feels, so I used it up. It was summer, probably the best summer of my life, I used it up real good.
And these ladies products are more potent with the scents. You know it’s refreshing and rewarding to get these flamboyant smells from my pits. I was hooked to the stick.
Clayton: This onion has many layers, okay session over.
(The food arrives and Jess walks in with bags)
Jess: Hey guys, what’s for lunch, what can I eat from your plate this evening.
Clayton: I’ll break you off a few of my onion rings.
Jess: Cool, I just saw Rob at the store, he said you were having some kind of hygiene emergency.
I’ll just be getting pie, peach if you have it.
Felix: What else did Rob say to you?
Jess: Rob talks a lot and sometimes you just zone out in the middle of the conversation. He did say something about how he likes to go all natural, whatever that means.
I just had a long day and needed a pick-me-up.
Felix: Aww, we’re your pick-me-up?
Jess: I see you guys and not feel so bad about my stuff, I think to myself, my life is good and on track. It’s not off in some ditch somewhere.
Clayton: Glad we can help.
Felix: What was Rob doing at the store?
Jess: You know we got caught up in talking, I didn’t see what he was carrying or buying.
Felix: He was probably buying some organic horse shampoo.
Clayton: I still don’t know if the guy showers.
Jess: You know Felix, if you think the peach flavor is good, wait until you try ocean sunsets. It’s like perspiring in heaven. Now I remember what Rob was saying.
Felix: Damn him.