A Poem I Found

A vacations turn into tragedy

if you never return home

and it feels like lately I’ve been

so gone from my thoughts

my mind is in the ocean of time

letting the waves control 

how things go

How I feel 

how I understand everything

“do you miss me”

while I am away

Is what I’ll say

when we do cross

in dreams

or songs

I’d truly enjoy both

Awake yet in a beautiful sleep

turning everything 

blue,

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New Shoes 4 School Dayz..

You can have it all and not recognize all you got, at the same time not have nothing at all and be truly full in the moment. Is quality ever going to be the same as quantity, will we ever know what were suppose to, does the destination mean enough for me?

Or will I only know when I’ve reached that point?

On a constant walk to the next stop, telling stories about family and making each other laugh. I have to meet my brother in town because Elexis starts school next week. This is like my uncle tradition, every new school year, I’ll take my niece to the shoe store to get new kicks for the brand new year.

I’m not a big sneaker head, but I do know what’s what, I know they got some pretty smooth shoes. Growing up, I didn’t get every shoe I wanted, no way my mom paying for a two hundred dollar pair of shoes when we was little. She be like get a job, if we even showed her the shoe. Hell nah.

Its almost like I’m reliving the time, plus I get to watch my niece pick out what she likes. Nothing like the feeling of fresh sneakers touching concrete. I know that it was a big deal for us growing up, not rich just feeling the part rocking Adidas.

Fast forward to now, I want my niece to pick out what she likes, try on at least three or four pairs. Shoes nowadays, they got so much to choose. I always dig the different Jordans, E-girl gets the black and pink ones. She is exploring into different shoes, last year it was the Kyries, now she wants Vans. Cool kid.

I decided to buy a pair, I need new shoes, so I select my first option. Black Nike, they got my size. I put them on, they look cool on me, it just has a uncomfortable plastic piece behind the ankle. I put them back.

Next, they had these cool purple Nike’s, I never get anything that colorful, usually looking for a black shoe. These shoes had some flavor, I was willing to rock them out the store. I asked the dude for my size, he goes in the back.

The kid disappears. I’m watching people get their shoes, my niece points out the worker tracking my shoe. We ask him again and he says he forgot. He walks in the back, then walks back out. We don’t have your size…

Weekend Breakdown

Do you see yourself having kids?

A question commonly asked, not always in that structure but still asking the same thing. Do you wants kids of your own, do you want a family of your own someday? The interrogation has me thinking, like damn do I need to have my own kids in order to get asked a different question?

I guess I don’t mind being asked, although what bothers me is that it feels in order to have a family you need to have commitment from that special someone. So maybe I’m a pracastinator, maybe I’m a late bloomer, the reasons of why things aren’t the way we assume is endless.

I start to think of the relationship between myself and my dad; time is not always on your side, yet we always have our own moments to reflect about. I lost my Dad when I was twelve, not even an adult, I still remember those key times when I knew things were going right. Things go left too, it was just something difficult we have to get through. Is it selfish of myself to not want another to feel that pain? Or is it not fully living by not giving someone that pride to feeling alive?

I’m going to take this to hip-hop, recently there was beef records going back and forth between Pusha T and Drake. It got a little dirty when Push rapped on a track that Drake had a child that he was hiding and Pusha T made it seem like Drake was a deadbeat dad. Turns out the record was somewhat true, but Drake had some lines to defend that deadbeat part of the lyrics. I wasn’t hiding my kid from the world, I was hiding the world from my kid, it does make sense when we live in this celebrity-obsessed world. If no one knows about the kid that gives Drake or the parent more control of the narrative. At least that was before Push put out the diss, now I’m not so sure.

What I find interesting is that in all of Drake’s prior albums, the topic of his parents were always in there referenced. The dad not always being there growing up, the struggle of just him and his mom, and the complicated relationship after when everyone is grown. It’s very full-circle, is he hypocritical by default because he has storylines in his relationship with his parents similar to his own child. There might be parallels, it really falls on the parent to undo what might have been done to them.

We get what we get, we also get what we put in, we can complain about what we don’t get, we can never blame anyone for what we put in.

Shortest Longest Summer

LeBron goes to Cali, is there a move role up for grabs. Why does this decision only seem to benefit LeBron? Summer is cancelled, let’s get ready for basketball. I mean everyone said it was a possibility, so can’t really be surprised. I just can’t believe that his presence makes such a big commotion, and often times feeds this obsessed-with-the-future media discussing predictions on the next year. Will the King get gold wearing purple and gold.

They have a good chance, I mean they got one of the greatest players to play the game wanting that ring. He left the Cavaliers again, to change his setting and give him another shot at glory. Such a epic way to end your career, so many legends have wore those Lakers colors, now king James is in that arena. He’s the gladiator, on his last tour, his latter end of his prime on a mission.

You can’t underestimate the bros with Golden State though, defending champions at the strongest they’ve been in the past four years. Coach Kerr is rethinking the recipe, adjusting to the adjustments. That squad is close and share a unified spirit, or is that just the way a team should normally look?

I mean there will always be disagreements in a unit and you may not see your teammates as friends but when there’s loyalty to a goal and commitment, it just gives everyone doesn’t have a tight squad that disadvantage, that unity is keeping them on the top. And they got players that take out gladiators with pleasure. Loyalty and chemistry takes time.

Please Bron don’t go back to the Cavaliers if you decide to leave LA, you’ve broken their heart one two many times.

Sick Sad World

I have a story but I apologise if it offends anyone.

I am not new to death, I’ve seen people go all my life. Not to say I’m all gloomy because of the loss, but I must have became numb to the situation. At least that was before my good friend Gabriel passed away. A few years back I lost my homie, a person that I could always count on. When he was buried, I got un-numb to this hurt, this wasn’t another funeral in my life. This was his time to go, my friend was moving on to the next challenge.

They say the passing of someone should be a celebration of life, a life that was lived, important memories to hold and be thankful for. Two people told me that he passed away, I knew it was true. He had called me a couple of months before just to say what’s up and that a mutual friend of ours was looking for me. That was the last time we spoke.

My father is buried at the same cemetery.

I visit my dad, not as consistently, but I was at his grave last year. In the back of my mind, I know that he is also buried here. After I’m done visiting with my dad I will go pay my respects to my homie.

I start walking to Gabriel’s grave. A flood of emotions crash my head and suddenly I’m reminded of the toll of losing a friend. The realization of being in the world without that voice.

I can’t find his tombstone.

I’m walking around in circles, I know he’s here somewhere. Trying to hold back tears and I can’t even locate his site. I don’t how long it took me, I started to think that maybe Gabriel was above looking at me, laughing because I was lost in the cemetery.

Me thinking of Gabriel watching, made me smile. I must look like a lost ant wondering around the mounds.

I feel better suddenly, I know if I take my time, things will appear.

I find his cross. I miss that guy.

Mindful Of My Foolishness

Is time playing a joke on me, somehow I have to admit that I am older than I was the day before, and it is time that is determining a duration of seconds to represent this moment to grow and have new content to be the ultimate being in the now. I am doing better a grasping what it truly means to be Mindful and honestly I always felt that something in my head was trying to understand that fruit that comes from the word.

I think laughter is the key to life, to be able to laugh at yourself at the end of the day, your set. Yes, there are times when laughter may be inappropriate, but I honestly think being able to stay humble and open to learning, your going to live great. The words we use and the things we decide to do with them, says who you are.

I’ve made mistakes and feel I am still learning from them, the experience of life is not a perfect ride to heaven, there’s trauma and blood, we endure the full spectrum of life randomly in and out of peace. I have to remember my own oaths and consider my own presence in the universe and not be afraid to go against the grain.

We all have to make those decisions and grow from those actions, how we determine that narrative is to each their own, yet we can still be aware of what makes us connected.

Rainbow Creation Story

It was all darkness…

Lightening shows the earth for seconds at a time. It was unending and we could not see where we were going. Something had to be done so they got everyone together for a meeting.

What are we going to do about this condition. We need to see and we can’t continue to live in this darkness. I have great appreciation for the weather and what it provides, although thre needs to be a transition into something new.

Everyone ageed, making suggestions about the darkness.

What can we scrafice to this void of grim silent noise. I know we are unsure of  how to resolve this state and I know the task of climbing the large mountain in darkness is impossible but what if we could get close enough to reason with it…

Things got quiet around the fire and memories of sunshine filled our hearts.

We need to send a wide range of individuals to face the madness. Who will volunteer to ask for this request from our maker. The energy that gives us this life, who’s going to bring back the light for us to see..

Red stood up first. Red was born to win always wanting to be the best athlete, brave and full of fight he was ready to climb the mountain.