There are times when I am running the day, and then are times when the day is running me, the goal is to remain grateful for the opportunity and get through. I have been distracted, it feels like I have the energy to get back to posting, yet my thoughts are so grand and the seconds count down to zzzzzzz.

Life is a constant puzzle search, the psyche must adjust and adapt to finding these missing pieces. We reach the end of the play only to find out that a new act is being written. The great discovery and reaching a new type of understanding comes with the time. I need to be writing it all down, but where to start.

It was a dream.


5PM In Tucson…

In my feelings trying to calculate the next year like it was this year, but don’t all things come to an end. Running to the goal line, with my best intentions, loving life, chilling with family eating hot wings on east side of town…

Reminiscing over this past year, already running into the New Year with goals and excitement. I always enjoy those times when I can hang with my people and eat out. Home cooked meals are the best, but getting to have that one-on-one time with family and not worrying about being in the kitchen at some cool restaurant in the city is the bomb.

This has been a big basketball year for me, I mean I’m still getting that experience from the point of the coach and trying to expand on building a squad or a program. This year we had LeBron James start the season with the Los Angeles Lakers, I mean that was an historic moment. One of the greatest players in the league leaving his home team for the second time to play with one of the most iconic teams in the NBA. I often forget that our actions speak louder than our words, when others want to commentate and ask questions about what I’m doing, sometimes the work needs to be the explanation. So, there will be those moments when others outside the circle can’t see the goal or vision.

I think that’s one important aspect to remember that is even though we are entering a new year, the goals and dreams still progressing this year are going to continue to move forward regardless of the month. It’s good to reevaluate but don’t lose track of what was working the entire time. I’m hoping LeBron get a ring in LA, that would be an awesome addition to his legacy, yet is there not a whole league full of hungry Lions? On the East and West, he made the equation more tougher to beat, if you ask me.

This is why I play the game, this is why the game is so important to me, you can have the biggest challenges in front of you, and yet still have the same chance everyone else gets. Statistics are only statistics, the future and the now needs to be determined. You miss the shot not taken, giving your heart to the effort opens up that opportunity of things to actually going through.

You believe what you want to happen, and having that concrete idea shapes how the world can be…

Real Or Fake…

Felix: Do you guys remember when you stopped believing in Santa?

Shawn: Santa ain’t real.

Jane: Some of us haven’t stopped.

Felix: Okay, okay, let me re-phrase the question. Why do you believe in such a made up thing?

Jane: What makes you think Santa is fake?

Felix: Aw, I see how your playing this. So, you want me to believe that a heavy-set old white dude got the time and effort to go from house to house and individually know everyone deserving of a gift.

Shawn: Sounds nearly impossible but some how that jolly sun of a gun gets it done, year after year.

Jane: I mean the logistical aspect seems unrealistic, but why be a Grinch when you can be a happy camper enjoying the holiday.

Felix: Oh I don’t have a problem with Christmas, but Jane your a intelligent person, why can’t you just admit that Santa isn’t real.

Jane: I can’t say those words because I truly believe that we need Santa in our lives.

Shawn: I get it, my question is when did little Felix stop believing in Santa Clause?

Jane: let’s go straight to the root.

Felix: I did at one point believe in Santa. I did all the bs you do. I wrote him letters, I did my best to be on the nice list, and I even left the guy milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. But one year I heard a noise in the middle of the night, I went to see if maybe Santa already made his appearance. I walk into the living room and see my uncle eating the cookies, dipping them them in milk. Santa died that year. I grew up and pretended to not care.

Jane: So what if you saw your uncle eating Santa’s cookies, that doesn’t mean anything.

Shawn: I mean if you think about it, Santa probably gets millions of cookies, your uncle was just helping him out.

Felix: I don’t know how I feel about that.

Jane: I know we live in this consumer world and the commercialization of Christmas gets us kinda wanting all this extra stuff, but I also believe that there is this spirit that comes out of us during the holidays.

Shawn: I was out drinking with some of my buddies the other weekend and we started talking about energy and what it means to have a soul, and how when someone dies and that person’s soul gets kept with those that were influenced by that someone that passed away.

Jane: I totally believe that theory, maybe the real Santa did exist and by keeping that memory and spirit alive, we are repersenting that soul.

Felix: I want to be a believer, and yet I’m still just not willing to be that gullible about a soul that I never knew.

Jane: Correct, you personally never met the guy, but you know people that had that connection to him, so for the sake of showing your apperciation to the ones you know, just giving the idea of Santa a little bit of a break.

Felix: I mean there are millions of people in the world and how can something so impossible be just understood.

Shawn: You know what I think, I think Santa’s sliegh is also a time machine and he’s able to manipulate time and by being able to alter the duration of the night, he has all the time he needs.

Felix: So Santa knows how to time travel and by that logic, going into millions of houses is not that impossible.

Shawn: I mean we don’t know what he’s up to at the North Pole, he could be plotting something so incredible and we’re just getting a taste of the magic.

Jane: A Christmas miracle.

Players Going To Play…

I feel like we are in a time when we got to prove we have an opinion, no one wants to be wrong. I just think really no one wants to look foolish, we state facts that are helpful to justify our thoughts, but it’s all words to convince the listener to think differently.

I always remember one of my instructors explaining the levels to a conversation, there was of course gossip. If the person being discussed wasn’t at the table to defend themselves then it was gossip. I would say gossip is a very popular level, yet is it an effective way to use your words and energy?

Professional basketball is nuts.

You have players giving you signs of hope, even after seasons of turmoil and injuries, as a player you can still be determined to play, you can still end on a good note. Life knocks you on the floor, bruised and beaten, the real battle is to decide to get back up and take another beating if needed. I think the world is so media driven and we get a lot of opinion-based content. Just because you haven’t had the best of luck, doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to chase that dream. The road has many exits to quit, and if your not winning that battle within, then you might not ever reach that destination.

I’m seeing the gifted struggle, it’s fun to talk fantasy and reconize talent, yet that doesn’t even matter if that talent is not being fueled by effort. There is a line between day-dreaming and making those wild thoughts come to fruition. Talking is of course the initial start of the process, but that’s all it is, if there no action backing up those ideas. Players come and go every year, but to win a ring requires a team, and it’s interesting to see what actually goes down apposed to what was predictied with well thought out words.

I think it’s a beautiful thing to watch a team gel, to find that groove and be in tune with everyone on and off the court. I’m hoping those teams building that chemistry see the importance of having that bond. There can only be one champion team and everyone else that has fallen short has that option to continue to play. Not winning is just as important as winning, being able to grow from both situations is the ultimate victory.

The race has begun, we’re not talking a sprint, it’s a marathon to the finals. The long haul has teams heated in discussions. I think the ego is what gets challenged most. Being able to admit to being in the wrong or apart of the commotion. Having the confidence to not let ego get in the way of a meaningful bond.

A Cold Open

There are these things going on in the world and I don’t always feel that I have enough information to be making firm decisions or forming a legit stance on something that might not even concern me. I just get this feeling that the t.v. and the internet is programming me to think a specific way. There are times when I feel trained well, rather than doing something meaningful and something that will benefit my well-being, I do what I’m supposed to do.

I might be phrasing things wrongly, I feel that the future is unwritten, and by doing the precise thing, that will ensure that this vision is created. Our individual dreams, those things we can bring into existence with our energy and language.

The difficult thing about thriving in this world is that it requires commitment, you need challenges and barriers to inspire growth and strength.

The powers we give a device or an app, weakens our own ability to utilize that same power for ourselves. Society is so fast paced, and we think all these extra choices will speed up the process.

I’m not the anti-social media guy, I think there are some benefits to partaking in pictures and commentary. Updates about celebrities dating and locals trying to be famous. There is information that is useful, but has that easy access to the knowledge gotten in my way of just living life at full capacity.

Do the shortcuts hinder the experiences?

I know there is a lot going on in my world and there are these ways of living that I just question, and reflect on my own upbringing. Times have drastically changed in some ways, and yet it can still feel like the same struggle. The misunderstood offering something that can be shared with the older generations.

Missed Mac

I woke up early this morning, well I needed to be up early so that I didn’t miss my ride to work. I’ve been having some car trouble, it’s all good, but being up and getting closer to winter, I guess the season gets me in my feelings. I’m not depressed, I’m unable to name my mood. I have nothing to complain about, let me rephrase that, I have no time to complain about the things I must deal with in order for me to be me. Real talk.

I am still hurt about Mac Miller, you know the music you take with you in your travels and experiences are important. Not everyone loves the same thing, and there was a point in my life when I was heartbroken finishing school, ready to graduate and moving into a new house with my family. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve been the one that everyone was concerned about. I look back at those moments and see how crucial that time was, I almost was testing the waters. Living life is expecting the unexpected, Mac had experienced success at a young age, and the dude handled it in his own way. I can’t deny that the music did help me in my journey.

Fast forward to now.

I have a job I love and that helps me run this youth program with one of my best friends. My family is my best support and I am doing my best to be the Uncle for the young ones. I have issues, I have those bad thoughts, yet I also have so much to lose, that I am doing whatever I can to make this trip a great one.

This song was on my playlist during my last semester of college, it resonates this confused feeling for me. I mean you can have all the degrees in the world, however that has nothing to do with the person you will be in the world. I want to be me, and it’s not caring that others may see you differently. I can not control everything, and living life is proving that to yourself, still brave enough to be in tune with the soul.

A great song can do wonders, I walk tall into the next moment…

Karaoke Heart

I need you to be close to the reader rather than the actual writing your reading in the blog. I have been experiencing what the world has to offer and I can spend my time complaining or raving about how wonderful it is. As the narratior or storyteller, I must give both sides, and at the same time be meaningful to myself.

No one said creating a legacy would be easy.

My Grandma is my biggest inspiration, I mean my Mom gave me the tools, but my Grandma has been my muse since birth. I’ve always looked up to her because she has always been that strong female doing big things. Of course my Mom is seconds behind her in the race but my Grandma gave my Mother the chance.

I think one of the main things she gave me was this unknown confidence in my voice, my mom always told me to do my best, yet it was my Grandma that demonstrated how to use her voice to live life. Singing Patsy Cline, The Beatles, or Credence Clearwater Revival at the karaoke bar for fun. Her expertise on the taste, her diction talking about how to work in the kitchen, her famous recipes were recited as sonnets.

Music is always in the air and the soundtrack to our lives starts when our Grandparents dance and use their voices.

Lately I’ve been picking up the ukulele, it’s such a small instrument. The peaceful sounds fill the room, I learn songs and play them to myself. It’s only a four string instrument and knowing how to play the guitar, the ukulele just naturally goes with my soul. Guitar chords are different than ukulele chords but there is still a similar sound. I am not a music teacher, I just enjoy playing this small guy, learning how the instruments are related, helps me appreciate the differences.

I can praise my Grandma all day, however I can not forget that my Mother was the one who paid for the earlier experiences. Buying me my first guitar, or renting a violin so that I could play music with the school. My Mom has worked so hard to fund my music experiments through out the years, she has kept me in this space to just play and enjoy the learning.

I feel that the biggest challenge of creating that legacy is having the goals be represented in the day-to-day work. This time we are in is so demanding, we want it and we want it now. I appreciate that drive and persistence, but the process is a process. Soak it up, but don’t expect for it to instantly appear in your hands because you want it fast.

What are the goals and how do they impact the present?