Ripetide Was The Love

stories from my stomach

Fear lives close because it influences the brain to be me. The voices whisper and the light within sparks choices in the dark. The closest ones to us, become lost in the game. This magic requires a gullible imagination.

Fear is funny like that because it can become unstuck.

The idea of love, is it glamorized in pop culture to a fault for setting unrealistic standards for the way people should act?

Throwing my coat over a puddle of mud so she don’t get her feet wet. I mean even though my nice jacket is ruined and we come across other puddles on the trail. These moments where I lose sight of the force and become something like my father. Love like he felt.

I made you a mixtape that defines how I feel about our souls being together. Each track has a similar storyline to how we should be…

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Suck My Opinion 

The sun is going faster, the presence of night welcomes winter into our lives. I’ll always remember what a professor said at the beginning of the fall semester. It will get dark. The course was in the evening and by the end of the semester, when class was ended, the campus was a somber park of buildings with students traveling to their next destination. The night is near and I must be wise with how I work with the light in the months to come.

I been waiting for the NBA to start, all the drama created about these trades, let these dudes play. One of the tip-off games was Boston and Cleveland, such a quick reunion between Kyrie and Lebron, how would the teams collide, perhaps a playoff series in the making. Celtics lose by three, Kyrie gets one last chance to get off a three pointer and comes a little short. All Kyrie’s former teammates on the Cavs acknowledge his performance once the game ended. Bittersweet, more sweet than bitter because it solidified Irving’s decision to leave Cleveland and be at full capacity in Boston. And with seconds left, as Kyrie grabs the rebound and gets one more opportunity to fire off a shot, Lebron is chasing him down as time runs out. The season is long and Boston is another team trying to earn a ring, Kyrie and Lebron both know what it takes, but who will actually get there this year?

Something grows out of a mistake, depending on the energy that follows the action. We have power in our words and in our actions, the things I say matter, I must be accountable for what comes out of my mouth and have the ability to justify all that I am doing in my life. Do what you say and say what your willing to back up when the times get tough. New roads may have a bumpy beginning, but what does that have to do with completing the journey ahead. Mistakes and wrong turns only get you to another destination of understanding, be the motivation behind the lesson, life gives you.

Rounding Off The Year – The Blueprint for 2017

Already mid October, downhill I am rolling in the universe, there are something’s that I need take care of before the year ends. It’s like a dominio effect, once Halloween begins, then comes Thanksgiving, Christmas is here, New Years too. I’m trying to squeeze out all I can for the year of 2017, this post is me trying to map it out.

I had experienced some bad things in 2007, it was challenging time for me and my family. I just remember having this intense feeling of being greatful, it just so happens to be on Halloween that day appreciation conquered me. Forever thankful for support, always going to remember that love everybody gave to me, I am only what was believed and thought of. I want to share that feeling with someone, before the year ends, I want to show another person how much they mean to the world.

The taste of tradition is bittersweet, we have this American holiday that paints this picture perfect history between people bonding through food. It’s a beautiful story and has transcended into this wonderful tradition in the world, but doesn’t quite fit the main narrative for Indigenous people co-existing on the land now known as America. I was analyzing my thoughts on the holiday, this was around the time our family moved into our new house, our first home. I was willing to celebrate because regardless of the history of the holiday, I know we are going to have a tasty feast by the end of the day. There will be leftovers too, I hope, Grandma is bringing her A game, how can I not partake in this wonderful dinner. Put the politics aside and just enjoy the grub. I want to have a meaningful meal with the ones I love, eat good food, laugh about life. I want to be the host to the best night of the year.

The phones must be charged, the computer has to be on and signed out, there are things to do. Yet, do we turn on the part of the brain that makes you thankful for being alive. I always struggle with gift giving on Christmas, I wait till the last minuet, or not everyone gets a gift, I’m not full filled in a weird way.  I want to do better, I know that I am greatful for whatever happens, the ones I care for deserve the best, puttting up with me, they deserve gold everything.

The speed of time is unpredictable, there are things we must be accountable for in life, you only get what you put in. There are things that cannot be seen, and it takes a visionary to create that picture. I may not get to finish everything I needed for the year, but I know If I’m lucky, I can try again next year.


Eyes Wided Open To Monday Morning

On the drive to Tucson, I am the passenger drinking coffee, watching summer dwindle. Emotions warming to the chill; the things we don’t want to-do, versus the things we must do in order to be functioning in the world. I am moving with the direction, traveling with electronics, going to the city for an exchange. I forget the purpose. 

Gun slingers singing to the wind,

Lonely hours spread a pasture.

When the day doesn’t go the way you thought, jump right into writing about it, find the music you lost. I can’t be mad for the sake of being mad, there are appointments that never occur, and unexpected special occasions that just happen. Shit happens. 

Resting till tommrow,

An opportunity may come.

Pottery Soul

This is a reaction to a reaction post, vicariously I am enjoying the assignments my close friend Marion has this semester. A philosophy major at the University of Arizona, we talk throughout the week. I miss my days of getting up early for class, driving to campus, buying a hot tea before the lecture at the U mart. Hearing Marion talk about submitting assignments and taking quizzes, I get that feeling of urgency and the responsibilities that teach us lessons uniquely, being in that student mode was fun. I believe Lil Wayne said it best What’s life without pressure, of course he was talking about making music consistently, but in college that deadline can test your wit, the production has to be on point and having that pressure only makes things more exciting. 

Doing the right thing is different in comparison to everyone, “the right thing” takes on many interpretations and what we desire, we have an opportunity to achieve that level of truth. Living life independently, although still keeping an open mind to better understand the process of doing that particular thing we think is right. 

The first thing I think of when I hear “jar,”  I think of the poem Anecdote of the Jar by Wallace Stevens, there is a jar of course, but the idea of a man made jar in the wilderness, on a hill, the jar is superior to nature because it has been placed there by man. Man’s perception of himself is for bargain, are nature and the jar equal entities? I believe the relationship to nature should be holistic, yet also unpredictable. And then there’s the ability of human thinking, we believe what we want, how does that play out with everything else existing. We give the value to what we possess and maybe too much value in comparison to natural life. 

The human race has become so civilized and sophisticated that the efficiency of good living is having all your technological devices updated to current standards. I’m wondering what particle or instruments will be found, civilizations in the future digging through the dirt and what would they find from our time? We waste so much but is there anything that can withstand the times and be there to represent us now, what are they learning about us when we are only dust.

Motivation 2 Live Playlist

Time again is up for discussion, how fast this year is going is crazy. I think it’s always the idea of time moving fast but it’s also the amount of events occurring in that time span of reflection, what all happend. 

One of my favorite films Jerry Maguire has this scene that comes to mind, the main character is driving looking for a song on the radio. Jerry is a sports agent trying to figure out his place in the industry, leaving from a meeting with good vibes, he is radio searching for that right song to release his happiness. The movie was cool because it was about a written statement a man felt he should share with his colleagues, the outcome from just a document does serve a great story for the sports agent trying to live a fuller life. When Jerry finds Free Fallin as he’s driving onward, Tom Petty is just getting to the chours. The scene is moving because Tom Petty could give you that confidence, he moved you with his voice. Music is our motivation and growing up, my mom always played Tom Petty, I could relate to the scene. Driving away hopeful with rock n roll playing the soundtrack.

How delicate is the time these days, when we have legends passing and people killing each other, I was in Vegas two weeks ago. My Grandma tells me I am lucky for going when I did, but we don’t always know what’s going to happen. I woke up Monday morning and my Brother asks if I heard about what happened in Las Vegas. There was a shooting. But it’s not just Vegas, lately over the years, mass shootings are taking place in America. It feels dangerous, yet am I fearful enough to not try to live my life. How precious is the moment you are creating for yourself, and did you chase after happiness with the time you got?

There was a time, I had to have been in 3rd grade and we would ride the bus home to our Grandma’s house. This was before the iPod existed and we listened to the radio on the bus, not always what we wanted to hear but it was what we had. And I remember this one day when Tom Petty’s Mary Jane’s Last Dance came on right before the main bus stop and that song just resonated with everyone. It felt like kids were taking their time exiting the bus just to hear that track play. I’ll always remember this moment, this was life for us, singing the songs you heard on the walk home.

Bruised Knees For A Hurt Society

Protesting and taking a stand for what you believe in, is what has made our country stronger throughout time. Acts of performing our rights in public, yet not being dictated by a higher ranking individual that is obviously ignoring the political statement reflected when a player from the NFL takes a knee during the national anthem. The encouragement of team owners to fire their employees that take that kneel is outrageous, there are some people out here with only a knee to lean on, there are a lot of elements being brought to surface and for one of the supposid leaders to call a working-group-of-talent Sons of bitches, the discussion becomes more personal, ironically Football usually brings people together, not too bash on political statements but to honor and respect another for having an opinion on those topics. 

There have been a few people taking two knees and saying they are Going to Pray. I appreciate the gesture, maybe we just need a majority of the people praying. We have all these distractions and so much of what is going on goes unnoticed because we stay behind worry. Overthinking gets the best of me, I think I’ll need the prayers from others, I would be so greatful for that.

You can never underestimate the power of support, even when we are faced with challenges, our identity can shine through the outcomes from the tough decisions we make. Knowing we are loved in some form from another human being is priceless and worth everything the universe gives us to work with. 

I will not take be taking both knees, no sir. I am just going to lay down and take nap. A rest to hear the endless debate of what’s right or wrong, and sleeping through the madness of a chaotic time we’ve built.