The Cookie Crumbled Not How I Thought It Would..

I’m waiting for destiny to text or call, hollar at ya boy, let me know what’s up with us. The best piece advice given to me was from an poetry professor, near the end of the College Years, I got to ask her for words of encouragement, she says know the difference between making a compromise and being compromised. I go back to that moment every now and then, those were some goodtimes, and back then we’d considered the goodtimes hard times. The perception of the current moment is slowly transforming, I need to see things in a clear view.

I have been trying to follow that advice, there has been challenges that have made me a better person, and there are things in my life that I know still need work. New opportunities come and I must be willing to adjust, I believe change is just transitioning into what was already meant to be. We live in this evolving world, the impact we make is due to taking that chance given in our timeline. Mistakes are just as beneficial as the best decisions, it’s really the individual not afraid to take on new opportunities. I have learned more about compromises, but being compromised is something maybe I haven’t got enough time to experience. 

I must give myself the chance to operate at full capacity, and how can I test my limits if I’m not taking on any new challenges. I think we get too concerned about the outcome that we hinder any chance of seeing anything spectacular. Life is tough, but that almost as nothing to do with being vulnerable and open-hearted to what the world can offer. And that’s not even suggesting that you could bring some kind of enlightenment to the world’s experience in the time that we’re given. 

The cookie crumbles unexpectedly, but what did you offer to that crumbling if you stayed in a safe place where your limited in what you could offer. At the end of the day, I need to be accountable about what I could offer, I must be proud about what I bring to the table in the grand scheme of things. Be open to the obstacles and even more open to what you have within that could change the entire picture.


It’s Not Me, It’s You…

It feels like we’re near the end of a story and the next saga will begin right after, I’m ready for that next episode but I also want to squeeze out all the momentum out of this tale I am in now.  Ending on a good note, is that always the best option, especially if the story is more intriguing with some trauma. They say when one door closes another will open, and I believe this is true, yet how do we know the next door isn’t anymore better. There should be an update to sayings when one door closes another will open, but before entering, do consider what you want out of the experience. I am trying to get a better grip of what I’ve always had within.

I am Basketball enthusiast, I am ready for the season to play out. This topic is about Kyrie and I admire the guy for wanting to depart from his place on Cleveland and wanting to take on a new role that allowed himself to be operating at full capacity. And we’re in a media driven world, there’s content on content and it was portrayed on screen that Irving was a step lower in ranking. Much respect to Lebron for raising that bar but Kyrie seems very cool, collective, everyone operates differently. It was a mature decision because it was way different than another superstar being traded to a team that is already winning championships. The possibilities are that Kyrie could get Boston to the ship, he definitely has to raise the bar high for himself. Although not as high as Lebron does, a new season with new relationships, I’m waiting…

I have been playing more often, during my lunch, I’ll meet up with the squad and we’ll play 3-5 games of 21. There was a bit of a drought a few months back, I wasn’t playing, there were other things in the way. But once I started back up again I was reminded of the inner confidence you need to have to be on the court. I get to compete on all these levels with my friends, I’m soaked in sweat by the end of the session, I feel a lot better too, it’s my medicine. When we play we semi trash talk, we’ll it’s more sarcastic commentary. I might steal a win here or there, it’s just apart of the game.

I think there will be things constantly opening and closing, it is our own efforts in the transition that creates the present. The true gift is the time I am given to start and end chapters, the narrative lives on in another adventure. There is always that next step or that response to another opportunity knocking at my door.  We get numerous chances if we’re lucky, the challenges can be tough, yet there is only one option but to try. 

Fish In The Sea Talk

Lynn – Hey John, how’s it going?

John – I am doing ok, just broke up with my girlfriend, but I’m owning it.

Lynn – Sorry to hear that my friend, but I didn’t even know you were dating anyone. How long has this been going on?

John – A month. 

Lynn – Just a month, man you’ll be ok. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, just give it a few days. Watch some Gilmore Girls and it will be like nothing happened.

John – I’m not too sure I can handle love to that magnitude. It just leads to even more heatburn. 

Lynn – You mean “heartache.”

John – There’s heartache and it makes me feel a burn in my heart. 

Lynn – You’re exxagerating right? Because if there’s some kind of burn, you might get that checked out by a specialist.

John – I am exxagerating for the sake of justifying love and what is happening in my love life at the moment. But my heart is good, tip top shape. 

Lynn – You see, your heart is good, therefore everything is going to be ok. 

John – There is a Nirvana lyric in the song Something in the way that goes it’s okay to eat fish because they don’t have any feelings. Are they talking about the same fish in the sea where there is plenty?

Lynn – The plenty of fish in the sea is remembering that there are other love interests out there is this ocean of a home. Swimming and surviving.

John – Yes! But if the fishes don’t have feelings then I, as a consumer, a fisher man, another fish, do I only want a catch for the sake of the moment. Or do I want to actually capture something that will be lasting. If possible in the sea of life we live, wandering in the universe and searching for that opportunity to taste love.

Lynn – Well let me answer your question with a question, do you feel like you-yourself need to be the hunter, maybe there is a piece of you that wants to be caught. Instead of you doing the catching, just let yourself get caught.

John – Strangly that makes sense, I can’t rush art, I can only let it occur as it is ready to unveil itself. I must be patient, I must be unaware. The worst could only be the best to come. 

Lynn – Preach my brotha.

John – I am feeling a lot better thanks this chat really helped me get my thoughts organized.
Lynn – Anytime, so what you got planned next.

John – I’m thinking I need swimming lessons.

Status Pending….

I feel fall, I felt it, fall has suddenly wrapped its mood on my heart. 29 falls and I still gain something new from the current season in session. I have something spectacular in my hand, I can’t misplace it or forget it. 

I was on the UofA campus this past Friday for work, and I got a thrill being back on my stomping grounds. I got mistaken for a student as I waited in one of the office buildings at the university. It was compliment when the lady admitted that she thought I was a student waiting to be helped, I got that old feeling. Declaring a major, studying in the library, all those college experiences that made me feel like a student. The energy of the UofA campus is chaotic, students going in every direction, the joyful interactions at the Union, they’re getting ready, everyone socializing about the now.

The pressure, the articulation of the individual studying, the feeling of completion. I will always love that time of my life, the College Years, it was such a long journey, yet the lessons and memories created from that time period helped me become who I am today.  Is it that time that I revisit that discussion, I know it would be beneficial if I earn a masters, but going to graduate school, am I ready?

Maybe having business at the campus wasn’t a big enough sign for me to rejoin the college kid gang. Staying up late cramming before finals, drinking coffee with beautiful people, when the time is right, I will start.

Life is a trip, you can only know so much, the real challenge is being able to let the unknown shine. I must be willing to admit that there are things I have no control over in this life. When graduate school sends me a text asking about me attending then I will consider going back, but right now I have projects and ideas keeping me busy, I ain’t waiting for no message from graduate school saying they wanna get together with me. I am doing just fine going steady with the real world.

I feel my maturity hasn’t graduated from it’s institution, so when that program is completed, then I will apply. 

Grandma’s Boy

I am trying to get a better grip of my responsibilities, the tasks I give myself and the challenges given to me by others. I’m not just talking about people, I’m really describing the universe and all it’s wisdom it holds for me. I must be willing to gain from an experience, something given to me each of the days  I am only trying to be a better me in the world. The day did have a plan and it was suppose to be a smooth ride to the evening time, but that’s not what has to happen…

Yesterday evening around 9:00 o’clock, my Grandma calls me. I been so busy these past couple of weeks, so I really haven’t visited my grandma lately during the week. Coaching and helping my friends record their music, I have something going all week. I know, no excuses…

Hey Grandma.

Hey Sky, when you get off of work, you think you could pick me up a few things from the store?

Yeah, of course, what do you need?

Can you get me some flour, six bannons (bananas) and some milk.

I can get that for you, I get off a little late but I’ll drop it off when I get back.

That’s fine, don’t worry about it and I’ll pay when you get here.

What kind of flour do I get?

Get the bird. They should have one for eight dollars, get that one. Remember to get six bannons.

What kind of milk do you want?

Get me a gallon of 2%. Were out of milk.

Okay Grandma, anything else?

I think that’s it, remember the bannons, probably need six of them.

I’ll see you after work Grandma. 

Thanks. I’ll see you. Bye.

Tuesday’s are my practice days, it’s the middle of the week pretty much, we got a tournament this weekend, every second counts. I never miss a Tuesday practice, 3:00pm and get the word that we have to stay late. There wasn’t even a time given, a reference or even an estimation. I let the other coaches know I’ll be late. It was after 7:00pm when I left work, practice was over,  empty courts were the only thing left…

I still needed to goto the store for my grandmas, her list, I did not forget, I went to get them 6 bannons. The local grocery store is a blast from the past, you always see someone you haven’t seen for awhile. Maybe someone you weren’t ready to see, someone that wasn’t ready to see you. Anywho I get the blue bird, 6 bannons, and gallon of milk 2%. 

When I get to my grandmas she watching America’s Got Talent, she likes these competition/singing shows. And it’s prerecorded too, she’ll fast forward through the comercials and never lose momentum. I get comphy on the couch, watching the talent, maybe get a little too involved, holding back tears. Lose track of time, forget that I must get home.

My Grandma always lets me know that her house is my house. I am her first born grandchild and to be able to make my Grandma proud is the best feeling ever. I realize the time and leave after the show ends.

She asked for six bannons, I got her seven.



Basketball Journal Entry

The stars are not always visible on certain nights, these past couple months have been a challenge for me to write posts about my day-to-day experiences. At one point I was normally reflecting on a moment and I could form enough words to tell my side of things. I think at certain times life can move at this fast pace and when this happens it becomes easier to get lost in your own thoughts. The stars are not always visible, yet they are still there glowing. 

I been in this basketball world, I also have been hanging out with my cousin Calvin. We’ll be watching the NBA channel all day, Hardwood Classics, it’s old games from  the 80s, 90s, even last year’s games. Bulls versus the Jazz, Lakers and Pistons. It was my cousin Calvin and his two younger brothers that got me into basketball, they would play pick up games at the park during the time we lived in Tucson. I remember them competing amongs themselves at the court behind my Aunty Rachael’s house in Little Tucson. These guys  symbolically gave me my mojo when it comes to basketball. If I’m not watching it, then I’m playing it, if I’m not playing, then I’m writing about it. Now I’m coaching it. My world is Basketball, and the game is the dragon consuming the town, everything is in flames.

I have my opinions, when it comes to next season with the NBA. I honestly felt that Durant was the X-factor for Golden State this year. I mean they have a roster of talent but with the addition of KD, the team became a powerful force not to be messed with. They said Durant took a pay cut, to create that squad and it definitely paid off because they went on to win the championship. I had betted against them too, I thought Lebron and Kyrie were going to be on point, no dice. 

So a few weeks ago I’m in the car listening to the radio and the commentator starts talking about Curry. During the playoffs, the media coverage portrayed Curry and Durant as the two go-to-guys for Golden State. Stephen Curry has been the superstar/poster child for the Warriors prior, he is great by the way. The commentator was impressed with the amount Curry will be making, recently renegotiated his contract with Golden State and would probably be the highest paid player in the league. He deserves every penny, and yet all I could think of was KD. He might be the only one working harder than Curry and with Durant on the roster, the team has someone to hold the team down by being that superstar player to represent the team. I felt that his pay should be reevaluated as well. None of my business but a player should get what they deserve and in this case KD had enough content to bring up that conversation. Just saying.

Kyrie might be leaving the Cavs… Derrick Rose is coming to Cleveland on a one year contract. The madness is overwhelming, not really. I was little happy to hear this about Kyrie, if he does want to lead rather than be led then we are going to see a new chapter for the incredible player. Players get traded to other teams, it happens. If that is true because we don’t know, I didn’t talk to Kyrie. We only hear the media’s explanation, but if he needs to change his surroundings then we should let him be. I know his skills will only be put in new situations and that could elevate his style. Same for Lebron.

Another story in the NBA to follow is the Ball family, Lonzo ball did play one year for UCLA and was drafted to the Lakers this past summer. The real spokesman for Lonzo Ball has been his dad, Lavar Ball has been hyping up his sons talents in the media for quite sometime. Lavar loves all his boys and believes they are the future of basketball. So this upcoming year will be all eyes on the Ball, did Lavar write any checks  Lonzo cannot cash?

The LA Lakers is big team to hold up, espically your first year in the league, remember we got the Warriors up the road. 

Fashion and basketball somehow became fused into each other over time. Growing up and even outside of the basketball world, the shoes you have on matter. People can make a judgments on you by what you wear on your feet. Basketball players who were successful and they had their own shoe, they had influence on the fashion choices for the masses. Everyone want the new Jordans. The more exclusive, the more expensive. 

My niece is getting ready to go back to school and I wanted to get her new shoes for the new school year. Growing up we had shoes, our mom took care of us. I am very greatful for what she did for us. 

There is a new Foot Locker on the south side of Tucson, so I suggest we check it out the new store and see if they got any shoes for Elexis. We see the Kyrie’s and their maroon with a pink Nike swoosh, they look pretty cool. 

I want her to get the shoes but I want her to try on another shoe just to see a difference. All the shoes we want to try on, they don’t have the size. Their Jordan selection was impressive, they had these retro Jordan’s that were light blue, Elexis approves, they have the size. The general plan before we went into store was to buy one pair. She likes the Jordan’s and I want her to have the Kyrie’s. We get them both. 

I want her to have the shoes, yet I also want her to have the shoes I would want. Does that make sense? We leave the story happy.

Uncle Buck Is Bringing Home Pizza!

stories from my stomach

I am not myself sometimes. It feels like that Alexisonfire song Boiled Frogs My youth is slipping, my youth is slipping away. It can be like that at times when reality sets and I’m not linked to the younger me. I’m the responsible version of myself and he is not a kid, he is not 21 anymore. My biggest fear is to live a life not worth living and me recognizing this drastic change in age is scary. How can I accomplish everything before I can’t do anything? Does that even make any sense?

Poor little Tin man, still swinging his axe, even though even though his joint are clogged with rust.

I try my hardest to be positive and be a nice guy. At my finest of course but I need to get better at it. Channeling my positivity and staying levelheaded in the grand scheme of things.

As my…

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