This City Is Haunted By Ghosts…

I have seen good and bad things happen in the past couple of weeks. There is this connection I have to the world and I forever want this place to know that it was loved. The experience of another episode of the mystery sitcom playing on the television that no one is watching. In the living room there was portrait of a family trying to get by.

I have to recognize that the care and time put into the day, being open and trusting, you gain these great memories that keep you strong during the rough patches. So beautiful that we can watch our past experiences via the force of the mind. The opportunity is not a guarantee, our time is limited. How do you deal with the reality of mortality, at the same time be invested with your individual journey on the planet.

I was watching a interview with the rapper Kevin Gates and we was speaking on the death of another rapper. He said that he didn’t die, he only changed form. It really speaks to this spiritual side of living and being connected to a greater system. We leave the earth correct, only to advance and experience another journey.

How do you want to be remembered as a ghost? The real challenge is remembering to be happy that you get to live today. The circumstance doesn’t allow you to know if the future is possible. The only true gaurntee is the current state of now.

Advertisements

Stay Kind Mac

A couple of weeks ago I went on a road trip up north towards Flagstaff for a basketball tournament, and I got to pick the music for the drive out of Phoenix. Such a honor to be handed the aux chord, I really couldn’t think of what to play. There has been a few albums I’ve been digging, but nothing came to mind, but there was this Mac Miller track called 2009 that had just come out on his new album Swimming.

I remember first hearing Mac Miller back when I was still in college, he had released some great mixtapes during that time. Smooth beats with rhymes about being this young minded invidual racing to a higher destination. And even the more commercial sinlges like Missed calls, that is a tune on the soundtrack of my life.

I select the new Mac Miller album Swimming for the ride, only because I wanted to see what Mac had to show. I am not the biggest fan, but I have been wondering about the dude. Earlier in the year, he was arrested. I know that the success can be overwhelming and you get yourself dealing with things you don’t need to be dealing with. Not making excuses for famous artist, I am just not trying to look past the fact that these inviduals are no different from anyone else.

Last Friday was a busy day for me and I wasn’t paying any attention to Instagram or Snapchat. It was one of those days when your racing the clock. I had not given my phone any love. I scrolled through my Instagram feed getting gas before I head home, I’m seeing pictures of Mac Miller. Not reading any of the captions, I finally see one with RIP 1996-2018.

I hear the mautrity and yet I hear Mac shinning in the lane he created when he was a teenager. The difficult thing to do in the music world is to stay original and true to what’s within, I think Mac was aware of that concept. I hear his voice and to me it’s organic because no one sounds like the dude.

Raspy melodies with clever wordplay and lines that inspire hope. Young energy turning into wisdom, that growth was the fruit…

Contained Choas

I am being pulled in every direction except the path I need to be on, how do I stay myself with all these changes influencing me? I must let the growth continue, even if that means start from the beginning and refigure it out. The road or narrative strives on, yet it is my inner wisdom that must adjust and get accustomed to this new day and time. I’ve been on this constant wave and it has taken me to some wonderful places, I just have to remember that no matter how much I gain or learn, I must use that knowledge and almost test it in a different lights. Put it to use and justify that it is something worth utlizing.

The world is this emotional experience and to be living and capable of being this Great individual requires you to learn from your own mistakes. Owning up to your own actions and capitalizing on those tough times rather than using them as barriers. All of this is hersay of course, but it is fun to pretend that you actually know anything that is certain.

The challenge is always yours for the taking, not acting on that opportunity is something you’ll never know to what that chance might have offered you. Not having regrets is safer than living with thousands. Fear can be the star of the show, or not have one line in the entire play…

Red Burning Memory

Life is not always this soft feeling of being safe with no tension, it can become violent and traumatic, I just hope my experiences get utilized in the best way possible. I have been writing this blog for over five years and I think I’ve been honest, sharing good stories from my heart. There are some stories I’ve kept to myself and I think it’s time to share those tales from my life with anyone who’s willing to read and listen.

I started the stories-from-my-stomach blog in college, it was assignment in this food narrative course, it became a therapeutic part of my living. It was kinda a reference for my identity, in the university world, I was this Rez kid writing it all down. Documenting these thoughts in my noodle, finding ways for them to be interesting posts. After I graduated, it was journal about me figuring it out. I always thought my blog was not really a blog, only because it was never my cup of tea, and then suddenly I have one and that meant I could do it unorthodox because I never sincerely had any idea of what a blog could be…

Now as the world turns…

It was not my best year and life has this way of throwing you a curve ball when you least need it to be throwing any sort of balls at you. I was living very fast, I wanted everything, and I was willing to do anything to be this strong being. I get into a car accident and nearly lose my life.

On my way to work, my car caught fire, it’s such a horrific scenario that having survived it, I think re-telling it, wasn’t something I wanted to do. I have become so grateful over the years and going through that accident was not just a test of my character, it was something that redirected my life.

The car blew up and I have the burns to show that I was on fire as well, they pulled me from the inflamed vehicle. You can call it being blessed, you can call it being lucky, I had the best help, I nearly died and yet I’m here to embrace that tragic situation with everyone around me praying. It could have been a totally different story, I am not perfect, but I do have great support and that love brought me back to life.

I have to heal for a couple month in the hospital, I had a difficult time dealing with everything after. Certain statements or ways of wording anything having to do with me, got me upset or confused. It was like there was another version of myself that others were discussing, it had me defensive at times. I got back to this place where I felt normal again, but when the Doctor told me that I would never remember what happen, that shit scares me. It was a traumatic event, and I hit my head so hard that it is just got knocked out of my memory.

I guess its a good thing that I won’t remember that day, but on the other hand, I know it happened, so why is it not in my head like it didn’t happened. I can not forget about it, but is it something that I should be constantly thinking about?

You know I’ve lived such a great life, in the time after the accident, I’ve gotten to know so many cool individuals, I have family that is holding me down, I got another opportunity to survie and explore the world. I finally got serious about a degree to pursue, being excited to learn again was how I got started at the University of Arizona. It’s not always about wishful thinking, other times its about being brave to be confident.

A Poem I Found

A vacations turn into tragedy

if you never return home

and it feels like lately I’ve been

so gone from my thoughts

my mind is in the ocean of time

letting the waves control 

how things go

How I feel 

how I understand everything

“do you miss me”

while I am away

Is what I’ll say

when we do cross

in dreams

or songs

I’d truly enjoy both

Awake yet in a beautiful sleep

turning everything 

blue,

New Shoes 4 School Dayz..

You can have it all and not recognize all you got, at the same time not have nothing at all and be truly full in the moment. Is quality ever going to be the same as quantity, will we ever know what were suppose to, does the destination mean enough for me?

Or will I only know when I’ve reached that point?

On a constant walk to the next stop, telling stories about family and making each other laugh. I have to meet my brother in town because Elexis starts school next week. This is like my uncle tradition, every new school year, I’ll take my niece to the shoe store to get new kicks for the brand new year.

I’m not a big sneaker head, but I do know what’s what, I know they got some pretty smooth shoes. Growing up, I didn’t get every shoe I wanted, no way my mom paying for a two hundred dollar pair of shoes when we was little. She be like get a job, if we even showed her the shoe. Hell nah.

Its almost like I’m reliving the time, plus I get to watch my niece pick out what she likes. Nothing like the feeling of fresh sneakers touching concrete. I know that it was a big deal for us growing up, not rich just feeling the part rocking Adidas.

Fast forward to now, I want my niece to pick out what she likes, try on at least three or four pairs. Shoes nowadays, they got so much to choose. I always dig the different Jordans, E-girl gets the black and pink ones. She is exploring into different shoes, last year it was the Kyries, now she wants Vans. Cool kid.

I decided to buy a pair, I need new shoes, so I select my first option. Black Nike, they got my size. I put them on, they look cool on me, it just has a uncomfortable plastic piece behind the ankle. I put them back.

Next, they had these cool purple Nike’s, I never get anything that colorful, usually looking for a black shoe. These shoes had some flavor, I was willing to rock them out the store. I asked the dude for my size, he goes in the back.

The kid disappears. I’m watching people get their shoes, my niece points out the worker tracking my shoe. We ask him again and he says he forgot. He walks in the back, then walks back out. We don’t have your size…